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I never wanted to make a post like this.
Feb. 23rd, 2014 01:14 pmMy baby sister Emma died yesterday morning. She was eighteen.
I've always loved the theory that there are multiple universes, or alternate timelines. Maybe there's a world where she gets to grow up. A world where she becomes a doctor, or doesn't, and gets married, or doesn't, and has kids, or doesn't, whatever she wants. Wanted. I like the idea of a world where she's still alive.
And I would do anything to live in that world instead of this one.
I've always loved the theory that there are multiple universes, or alternate timelines. Maybe there's a world where she gets to grow up. A world where she becomes a doctor, or doesn't, and gets married, or doesn't, and has kids, or doesn't, whatever she wants. Wanted. I like the idea of a world where she's still alive.
And I would do anything to live in that world instead of this one.
How to shop for clothes, the Jenni way
May. 19th, 2013 10:22 pm1. Go to a plus-size clothing website that combines multiple retailers' entire lines. Eliminate everything that is not your size.
2. Okay, that leaves us with about 20 items. Eliminate everything that is not black, because wearing things that are not black makes you crazy anxious, and you can make it through exactly three instances of friends and acquaintances greeting you with "Hey, you're wearing color!" before you get up, go home, and change clothes in a panic.
3. Now we're at closer to 15 things. Get rid of anything that is fitted or has a defined waist, since those don't work on you. Also get rid of anything sleeveless, since, no. And nothing that you can't wear a sports bra with, because that's all you have, because your body didn't get the memo that other fat girls' bodies got about developing a nice accommodating fat roll in the right spot for the bra band to rest on.
4. Okay, two things left. One of them is covered in ruffles, sequins, or both, and the other is out of stock until forever. It actually looks like it might be halfway okay (it is probably a weird length or has a strange hemline you hate, but them's the breaks), but before it comes back in stock, the company that makes it will go out of business, or discontinue the item. You might find it on eBay in a few years, used, for three times the original retail price.
5. Hooray, you buy nothing and continue to wear clothes that are faded and full of holes.
2. Okay, that leaves us with about 20 items. Eliminate everything that is not black, because wearing things that are not black makes you crazy anxious, and you can make it through exactly three instances of friends and acquaintances greeting you with "Hey, you're wearing color!" before you get up, go home, and change clothes in a panic.
3. Now we're at closer to 15 things. Get rid of anything that is fitted or has a defined waist, since those don't work on you. Also get rid of anything sleeveless, since, no. And nothing that you can't wear a sports bra with, because that's all you have, because your body didn't get the memo that other fat girls' bodies got about developing a nice accommodating fat roll in the right spot for the bra band to rest on.
4. Okay, two things left. One of them is covered in ruffles, sequins, or both, and the other is out of stock until forever. It actually looks like it might be halfway okay (it is probably a weird length or has a strange hemline you hate, but them's the breaks), but before it comes back in stock, the company that makes it will go out of business, or discontinue the item. You might find it on eBay in a few years, used, for three times the original retail price.
5. Hooray, you buy nothing and continue to wear clothes that are faded and full of holes.
Stuff and things and things and stuff
Dec. 11th, 2012 12:41 pmSchool
Oh, right. That's a thing. A thing that is mostly over for the semester, now, but still.
House
Another thing I'd like to do is finish unpacking; my house is currently an obstacle course of boxed furniture in the living room (there's a desk there somewhere) and a spare room full of boxes. My big bookshelves are in the garage; gotta get my more muscular friends to help me move those. I finally have pretty much all the furniture I will need (except maybe a TV and some chairs to put outside), so now it's just a matter of unpacking, assembling, and arranging things. I hope to eventually have some sort of housewarming party. Maybe after the new year.
Other
I started playing D&D! It's pretty rad. I just got my own dice (unfortunately they arrived the day after our last session for a while), which felt like leveling up in Nerd. The group is made up of other English grad students, and we do ridiculous and terrible things. For example, my character is a Gnoll bard who specializes in puppetry. Using puppets she makes from the bones of things she has eaten. It's... special.
Oh, right. That's a thing. A thing that is mostly over for the semester, now, but still.
- Practicum - This is the class that started first, since we all met for orientation before classes began. It's sort of a combination "how to teach" and support group for the first-time instructors. Everyone in the class has been pretty awesome, and we're all desperately clinging to each other, going "are you feeling as lost and terrified and incompetent as I am? OH THANK GOD." I suspect there is some sort of bonding through shared trauma thing going on.
- Readings in Poetry - The students in this class are about half poetry and half fiction writers, and the point is to approach poetry from a craft perspective. The theme is "covers;" we're going over works inspired by other works. The paper for this class absolutely kicked my ass, and I wasn't the only one--my other classmates were roaming the halls looking shell-shocked the day it was due as well.
- Poetry Workshop - Oh god I don't know what I'm doing. I've been writing pretty much nothing for the past few months, so I'm barely scraping by in workshop. I'm also painfully aware that I'm supposed to be putting together poems that can eventually work as a cohesive dissertation, and I am not so good at that.
- ENG 101 - MY BABIES. Or my ducklings, as I also call them. Oh, they are such a group. I teach two sections, and they are so fascinatingly different. I have a couple minions, and a couple sassbuckets, but no actual problem students, which is lovely. I'm kind of sad that only three of them will be in my classes next semester. A few more have said they wish they were (and they might not even be sucking up), but I think the freshman advisors just funneled everyone to my class early on. On the other hand, this means that if next semester I suddenly affect a strange accent, no one will call me on it.
I have one more paper, due tomorrow (which I am avoiding by writing this), and then some grading to do before the 17th. Once that's all turned in I am going to sleep so hard. So hard. You don't even know.
House
Another thing I'd like to do is finish unpacking; my house is currently an obstacle course of boxed furniture in the living room (there's a desk there somewhere) and a spare room full of boxes. My big bookshelves are in the garage; gotta get my more muscular friends to help me move those. I finally have pretty much all the furniture I will need (except maybe a TV and some chairs to put outside), so now it's just a matter of unpacking, assembling, and arranging things. I hope to eventually have some sort of housewarming party. Maybe after the new year.
Other
I started playing D&D! It's pretty rad. I just got my own dice (unfortunately they arrived the day after our last session for a while), which felt like leveling up in Nerd. The group is made up of other English grad students, and we do ridiculous and terrible things. For example, my character is a Gnoll bard who specializes in puppetry. Using puppets she makes from the bones of things she has eaten. It's... special.
House, or something like it!
Sep. 29th, 2012 08:23 pmYesterday I drove by zee House (I need to name it something so I can properly tag posts about it). No one was there, so I went in and took a look around--also, pictures.
( HOUSE! )
Moving schedule is still up in the air. Currently it's looking as though the house will be finished for realz sometime in the next week or two, and hopefully closing will occur soon after. My best guess is that moving will happen around October 20th.
( HOUSE! )
Moving schedule is still up in the air. Currently it's looking as though the house will be finished for realz sometime in the next week or two, and hopefully closing will occur soon after. My best guess is that moving will happen around October 20th.
Sooooo, remember how the plan was, I move in over Labor Day weekend and yaaay house and all that?
Yeah, well, that didn't happen.
First I received word that the building was behind schedule by about two weeks--permits took time and there was bad weather, and all that. I made grumbly noises, but there's not anything I can do. Then came Hurricane Isaac. While we didn't get hit with the hurricane proper, we did have three or so days of more or less constant rain (not really bad, just endless), which pushed back construction further.
What I am saying is, I am going to be in this hotel room forever. Maybe they'll let me paint the walls.
Yeah, well, that didn't happen.
First I received word that the building was behind schedule by about two weeks--permits took time and there was bad weather, and all that. I made grumbly noises, but there's not anything I can do. Then came Hurricane Isaac. While we didn't get hit with the hurricane proper, we did have three or so days of more or less constant rain (not really bad, just endless), which pushed back construction further.
What I am saying is, I am going to be in this hotel room forever. Maybe they'll let me paint the walls.
My family's contract fell through. So, as it stands now, they probably won't be moving before I leave for Mississippi.
Now, this is great for me, as it means one less major upheaval before... well, my major upheaval. Unfortunately it also means I can procrastinate with the packing, though I'm nearly done on that front. Just having a difficult time boxing up my art supplies, since doing so likely means "NO TOUCHY FOR AT LEAST A MONTH." Some of it isn't getting boxed; I'm just going to take it with me when I go, despite my parents' insistence that I will have ZERO time for anything but schoolwork and teaching preparation. Not sure they realize how close to "half" most of the assing I do truly is.
The panicking has more or less begun; the creeping realization that I am seriously under-read compared to (most likely) everyone else in the program. I haven't written papers in over a year, and even then I was terrible at it. My study skills are abysmal.
Current tentative schedule is: Leave for Hattiesburg on the 13th, various orientations begin on the 15th, classes start on the 22nd (I get to teach two classes and then take a poetry workshop; whatta first day), and in theory I should be able to move into my more permanent residence on the 1st of September.
Now, this is great for me, as it means one less major upheaval before... well, my major upheaval. Unfortunately it also means I can procrastinate with the packing, though I'm nearly done on that front. Just having a difficult time boxing up my art supplies, since doing so likely means "NO TOUCHY FOR AT LEAST A MONTH." Some of it isn't getting boxed; I'm just going to take it with me when I go, despite my parents' insistence that I will have ZERO time for anything but schoolwork and teaching preparation. Not sure they realize how close to "half" most of the assing I do truly is.
The panicking has more or less begun; the creeping realization that I am seriously under-read compared to (most likely) everyone else in the program. I haven't written papers in over a year, and even then I was terrible at it. My study skills are abysmal.
Current tentative schedule is: Leave for Hattiesburg on the 13th, various orientations begin on the 15th, classes start on the 22nd (I get to teach two classes and then take a poetry workshop; whatta first day), and in theory I should be able to move into my more permanent residence on the 1st of September.
- Moving - I am going to Mississippi! Since it could take between three and six years to finish my PhD (I am assuming it will take around four if there are no major problems, but sometimes things go horribly, horribly wrong) I am going to be there a while. And here is where I will be living!
Okay, it's not much now. It's not really anything now. But in theory it'll be a house by August 31st! Unfortunately, school starts August 22nd. - Crazy Moving Schedule - Which ties into my schedule for the next month or so. My family is moving at the end of July (again, barring horrible disaster or the buyers for our house running away screaming for no reason). About two weeks later, I, my laptop, and a suitcase of clothing head to Hattiesburg. Then, at the end of August, it is house-time, and hopefully my furniture and other miscellaneous belongings will join me.
- Utter Terror - I don't know anyone in Mississippi. At all. I don't know anyone in my program. It takes me for-goddamned-ever to feel comfortable around people. This could end very badly. Or maybe I'll just get a ton of work done. Who knows.
- EMPLOYMENT - That is in all caps because IT IS BIG NEWS. When I was originally accepted to USM, I was not given any sort of funding. Monies were low, times are hard, etc. etc. etc., and it was decided I would go anyway and hopefully manage to get funding next year. However, last week I was offered a teaching assistantship, which means a tuition waiver and a stipend, and also I get to warp the minds of wee baby freshmen students in Freshman Comp I. This is awesome.
- Utter Terror II: Terrible Boogaloo - OH GOD I am responsible for teaching wee baby freshmen. Also, have I mentioned that I never actually took Freshman Comp I? I tested out of it via AP tests, and that was over ten years ago, so I'm really hoping that orientation I'm going to before school starts clears up the minor details like "what the hell this class is about." I have been looking up syllabi from various universities and professors online, so I have a rough idea. But mostly I am just petrified that I'm not going to properly prepare these kids.
Well, Glee realized they needed a more stupid episode title, so here's... Sigh. ( Saturday Night Glee-ver )
Next up, the Whitney Houston Tribute Episode, ( Dance With Somebody )
And finally for this update, ( Choke )
Next up, the Whitney Houston Tribute Episode, ( Dance With Somebody )
And finally for this update, ( Choke )
So this move thing is definitely happening. In a few days I head to Hattiesburg again to check out potential living-places. In the meantime, I've begun packing, after a fashion. Clothes are mostly packed, sorta. Like many fat people who have been various sizes throughout their lives, I have several tiny wardrobes in about a half-dozen different sizes. Over the years I have periodically thinned out said wardrobes, eliminating things that (a) I finally admit will never look good on me, or (b) I am now too old to wear without looking a bit silly, or (c) are so far out of what could possibly be considered 'fashion' that I'm kind of grateful I can't wear them at the moment because dear lord what was I thinking. The end result is several of those space-saver bags full of clothes I hope to one day wear, assuming my body cooperates. As soon as I added serious workouts to the mix, all weight loss screeched to a halt (the numbers began climbing again, actually) and I became tired all the time. Turns out the most my body will put up with is something like 15-20 minutes of proper cardio a day before it goes "Nope, nope, you don't get to do anything else today." My labs came back showing my thyroid within the normal range at my current dose of meds, so that will stay the same. Hopefully I will gain some muscle and maybe not be so tired from working out, but I'm not gonna lie, I don't expect it. That's not how it usually works for me.
Anyway, I am also packing up my books, which means about equal parts textbooks, fiction/reference books, and comics. Only, due to lending books out over the years and occasionally having them poached by my sister (and then, I think, lent out to her friends), I am missing several of my Strangers in Paradise TPBs. There's also one Runaways that seems to have escaped (HAH I get it), but I'm missing at least four or five SiP books. That is not the problem; I don't lend out anything that I can't bear to lose, and I know that letting someone borrow a book means a high chance I'll never see that book again. And that's okay.
But I just cannot bring myself to pack them in a box without having the complete set. I can't do it. It makes me seriously twitchy.
I think if it were a series I didn't re-read often it would matter less, but I love SiP. I love the artwork, and even the crazy super-dramatic convoluted story**. So now I'm eyeing eBay and Amazon, trying to find the cheapest way to replace them so my stupid brain will shut up and let me pack them in a goddamn box.
You know, when that shrink I saw said I had obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I laughed.
*grumble*
*"Fun", here, means "really fucking annoying"
**Seriously, I don't think Terry Moore would recognize a chronologically-ordered story if it broke into his house and slapped him with a large mouth bass.
Anyway, I am also packing up my books, which means about equal parts textbooks, fiction/reference books, and comics. Only, due to lending books out over the years and occasionally having them poached by my sister (and then, I think, lent out to her friends), I am missing several of my Strangers in Paradise TPBs. There's also one Runaways that seems to have escaped (HAH I get it), but I'm missing at least four or five SiP books. That is not the problem; I don't lend out anything that I can't bear to lose, and I know that letting someone borrow a book means a high chance I'll never see that book again. And that's okay.
But I just cannot bring myself to pack them in a box without having the complete set. I can't do it. It makes me seriously twitchy.
I think if it were a series I didn't re-read often it would matter less, but I love SiP. I love the artwork, and even the crazy super-dramatic convoluted story**. So now I'm eyeing eBay and Amazon, trying to find the cheapest way to replace them so my stupid brain will shut up and let me pack them in a goddamn box.
You know, when that shrink I saw said I had obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I laughed.
*grumble*
*"Fun", here, means "really fucking annoying"
**Seriously, I don't think Terry Moore would recognize a chronologically-ordered story if it broke into his house and slapped him with a large mouth bass.
Glee Two-fer
May. 10th, 2012 08:45 pmI'm going into this episode having already seen how tumblr exploded after it aired, so a bit of the suspense is gone, but still. Time for ( On My Way )
Because how on earth can I wait to find out what happens to Quinn, of course I'm watching the next episode right away. It's ( Big Brother )
Because how on earth can I wait to find out what happens to Quinn, of course I'm watching the next episode right away. It's ( Big Brother )
More Glee! Aren't you happy.
May. 7th, 2012 01:08 amI am aware this is months behind, but I feel that now that Valentine's is safely behind us, I can take a non-grumpy and unbiased look at this episode of Glee. Usually I watch the episodes twice*, but I forgot to go over this one a second time, so here's my initial and only reactions to ( Heart )
Cleaning out the ol' Hulu queue...
Apr. 22nd, 2012 08:37 pmWhich means more Glee. Apparently the writers suddenly remembered that Will is supposed to teach Spanish, or something. I do not have high hopes for ( The Spanish Teacher )
Stolen from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
takhisis:
I think everyone is curious about what others think of them. It's a natural curiosity and one that we rarely get to indulge in. So, let's indulge.
Comment on this post with the three words that you think best describe me. They don't have to be complimentary. They don't have to be anything but honest. If you want, post this in your journal and find out what three words others would use to describe you.
This is the sort of thing I am ALWAYS wondering. I have a weirdly patchy self-image and I often find that the way other people describe me is different from, if not wildly inconsistent with, how I see myself.
takhisis:I think everyone is curious about what others think of them. It's a natural curiosity and one that we rarely get to indulge in. So, let's indulge.
Comment on this post with the three words that you think best describe me. They don't have to be complimentary. They don't have to be anything but honest. If you want, post this in your journal and find out what three words others would use to describe you.
This is the sort of thing I am ALWAYS wondering. I have a weirdly patchy self-image and I often find that the way other people describe me is different from, if not wildly inconsistent with, how I see myself.
It's decided.
Mar. 13th, 2012 03:48 pmI didn't get into Southern California, Mizzou, or Houston. The only one left is Western Michigan. They're still negotiating funding, so no telling when that will be over. Michigan is also much further away (Mississippi is a day's drive from Houston, and two hours from New Orleans, where become_a_robot is getting her MBA), and gets cold in the winter. I am a native Houstonian, and therefore not good with cold. Though, Kalamazoo is a bigger city (and more fun to say), and I love cities. The cost of living in Michigan appears to be close to that of Mississippi. Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get in to WMU. Even if I do, unless they offer me boatloads of money, it looks like I'm going to USM.
become_a_robot is getting her MBA), and gets cold in the winter. I am a native Houstonian, and therefore not good with cold. Though, Kalamazoo is a bigger city (and more fun to say), and I love cities. The cost of living in Michigan appears to be close to that of Mississippi. Then again, there's no guarantee I'll get in to WMU. Even if I do, unless they offer me boatloads of money, it looks like I'm going to USM.
